A New Year and a Very Special Cookie!

Hello Again,

It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened since then and until now I haven't been emotionally available to commit to my blog. We learned that my Mom's courageous battle with cancer was coming to an end. I took this surreal time to spend time with her, stay in touch with her daily and pray for strength to see this through. As you know from my past post on "Your Place or Mine" my Mom was a huge lover of cooking and baking and she made a huge impact on me! She was an amazing mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She left us on her terms 10-10-10, very fitting for such a treasure....

         

Much to my surprise, one of the things that gave me the most comfort over the holidays was making a very special Portuguese cookie for my family. I had never made this cookie before because it was important to me to save the enjoyment for when my Mom made them. I thought if I learn to make the cookies then it would take away from the experience. But as I was organizing and searching for special memento's from Mom's house I came across her original recipe card. The card is worn, stained and has her notes in the margin...one of my favorite finds! So I made the decision to make the cookies and compelled to carry on the tradition for my family. But as I started to make the cookies I realized that I had never even seen her make them. If I had just watched her once so I would know what to do! I knew the wonderful taste and all the special shapes that mom would make (candy canes for Christmas)  but not the technique. But as if my Mom was "nudging" me along and pushing me not to be a quitter I proceeded. I combined all the ingredients carefully and using a hand mixer I was on my way. That was until the cookie batter started to clump and jam the hand mixer to the point of disaster! I thought, "well this is it"! It's over! Then as if my mom took my shaking hand and led me to my pantry where I had safely put her Kitchen Aid mixer away for my daughter I realized there was still hope. I took it out of the storage box, it still had flour and dried batter on it that represented my mother's fingerprints from all the times she used it and the last time right before she became ill. As I cleaned it up and felt guilty about washing it, it occurred to me that it would make my Mom very happy that I used her mixer and she wanted me to now leave my own fingerprints...

        

I baked only one cookie sheet at first because I was very concerned they were not going to turn out. I wanted to see if they were going to taste good before I wasted my time and oven heat. I removed the first batch from the oven, tried to give them a little time to cool but anxious to test them. They filled the house with that so familiar wonderful smell that I remember from Mom's house. As I took my first bite, JT came out of his office drawn in from the smell only to find me speechless and sobbing. He tried to console me as he thought they had come out horrible and that is why I was upset. The truth is they were everything I had hoped for, I had done it! The tradition is not lost! Silly to think that a "cookie" could mean so much....it wasn't just the cookie but that I had finally baked them with my Mom!

R.I.P Mom.....we miss you so much!!